


I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 03:44:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5651317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey was the new student at Force Academy, and her newfound friends had warned her about that strange boy, Ben, who refused to go by his given name, had no friends, and only wore black. She was also fairly sure that she'd never seen his entire face, as obscured as it was by unruly, dark curls.</p><p>Kylo Ren was, naturally, the emo kid at school. He hated his life because his entire goddamn family worked at his school and refused to leave him alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sugar, We're Going Down

**Author's Note:**

> At some point, this trashcan muse thing will leave my mind and I'll stop writing so much. But, today is not that day, so let's go full-force into the unknown. Here's a multi-chaptered thing, though I'm not sure how long it will end up being. Teenage, high school angst is just too great to really refuse, so I have a feeling we may be here for awhile. 
> 
> For the sake of Rey's background, she is not related to the Skywalkers. I wanted to keep her story similar to how it played out in TFA, which means she grew up alone and without the parenting of Luke (or anyone else, really). Subscribing to the Rey Kenobi theory just to eliminate the casual incest!
> 
> Warning (?): This is almost certainly going to be a ridiculous adventure filled with the dumb music I (and hopefully all of us) listened to back in the day.

Compared to living in an abandoned alley for years and scavenging through garbage cans for an edible piece of food or a semi-valuable item that she could barter with at a nearby pawn shop, going to a new school was a piece of cake.

 

Sure, Rey missed the familiarity of her desert town, Jakku, but such was the life of a foster kid. Jumping around city to city while foster parents got tired of disruptive, damaged kids ruining their lives was really nothing new, although she'd managed to keep her head down long enough to have built a fairly decent, if solitary, life back in the desert. Culture shock set in almost immediately after she moved to D'Qar – the big city thrived in a way Jakku never did, full of people and tall buildings and even greenery that was a scarce resource in the dry desert.

 

Her foster father, an older, grizzled man by the name of Luke Skywalker, appeared to be nice enough. After a few weeks of living together, Rey was finally feeling comfortable enough to branch out and start attending the school, a fairly small private institution by the name of Force Academy. The new school year had started a month ago, and she wasn't particularly looking forward to integrating into a class of seniors who already had their own social circles, but a high school diploma was absolutely necessary if she wanted to go to college for mechanical engineering and eventually work at NASA, so she figured having no social life was a worthy sacrifice for the next handful of months.

 

Building up the mental confidence to walk into a brand new school, however, was much easier than actually doing the walking. Rey got through the front gates perfectly fine, but as the first long stretch of hallway, riddled with idle teenagers and well-worn lockers, came into view, she felt the first bouts of nervousness and tension. She reassured herself with the reminder that none of these students could possibly know that she was brand new, and it worked for the entirety of her walk toward the administrative offices.

 

A neat-looking woman was manning the front desk, and she looked up and offered a smile to Rey. “Hello there,” she said pleasantly. “Can I help you with something?”

 

“Hi, I'm a new student and was told I could get my schedule here?”

 

“Oh!” she exclaimed in response. “Rey Kenobi, right?” As Rey nodded in confirmation, the administrative assistant stood up and moved over to a nearby closed office door. “You're in luck, Principal Organa is in right now and mentioned wanting to meet you when you came in!”

 

 _Hooray,_ Rey thought blandly to herself. The principal probably knew she was in the foster system, and wanted to evaluate her to see if she would be at risk for causing disruptions. Smiling, because the woman really was being pleasant to her, she followed until she was in front of the door. When the assistant knocked, a strong voice called out, “Come in!”

 

Principal Organa was an older woman with greying hair tucked neatly into a braided bun on the top of her head. She stood up, sticking her hand out towards Rey over her polished wooden desk, which was riddled with documents and books. “You must be Rey. It's a pleasure to finally meet you!”

 

“Nice to meet you, too, Principal Organa,” Rey said, shaking the offered hand. She wasn't sure if the woman wanted her to sit or not, so she stood next to the desk, silently prompting her to continue. The _finally_ that the principal had mentioned seemed a bit odd, but Rey shrugged it off as the woman being aware of her transfer before it was finalized.

 

“Welcome to Force Academy! Hopefully the notion of a private school didn't make you nervous,” Principal Organa continued, smiling.

 

“I've just never gone to one before, ma'am,” Rey admitted. “I thought all private schools involved uniforms but Mr. Skywa – uh, Luke, never mentioned it before today and it didn't look like anyone had one on...”

 

“Oh, no, we're nothing like those stricter, religious Empire schools! You should have a similar schooling experience to what you've already known,” she assured.

 

The woman's words did seem comforting, Rey mused. Maybe this wouldn't be _awful_ and she could slip through the rest of the school year quietly. They conversed for a couple more minutes, before the first bell shrilled loudly throughout the building.

 

“I'll let you go so you can make it to your first class on time. Do you know how to get to the building and room?” the principal asked.

 

“Uh,” Rey started, looking down at the schedule given to her by the administrative assistant. “It says Building 3, room 206?”

 

“So that's the building to the northeast, and 206 means the second floor,” she said. “Hm...” And with a quick glance towards her glass window, she moved forward and rapped sharply on the glass. A passing student, a black teen sporting a worn leather jacket, stopped and made eye contact with the principal. When she gestured for him to come inside, Rey noticed his eyes widen dramatically and a look of fear cross his features.

 

He walked inside, gulping before saying a bit too loudly, “Good morning, Principal Organa! I hope I'm not in trouble or anything... ?”

 

Stifling a laugh, the principal shook her head. “No, Finn, you're fine. You have Pre-Calculus with Mr. Hux first period, correct?”

 

The teen – Finn – nodded before he noticed Rey standing there uncomfortably.

 

“This is Rey, she's new to our school and has your same class. I was wondering if you'd care to show her where it's located?”

 

He looked a little more relieved now that he knew he was out of trouble, and with a grin, he enthusiastically agreed. Rey quietly thanked the principal before trailing after the boy. He turned to her as they began walking. “Sorry about that, the principal kind of terrifies me! I'm Finn, Organa mentioned your name is Rey?”

 

“Yeah, nice to meet you,” she said. They turned the corner and started heading up a flight of stairs. She briefly wondered how many times today she'd repeat the phrase.

 

Finn seemed more than willing to fill the silence with idle conversation. “So Mr. Hux is a total hardass. You know how some teachers can handle sarcasm and shit with their students? This is not the guy to mess with. He'll give you detention the moment you act up, and he gets _super_ defensive if you say he's wrong on anything.”

 

“Good to know.” The guy seemed pretty friendly, and Rey wondered why he was making the effort. She wasn't exactly putting too much effort into the conversation, but he seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her.

 

“Well, we're here. Seating is usually assigned, but there are a few teachers around campus that let you sit wherever you want. I think Poe's got an empty seat next to him for Pre-Calc, so maybe you'll get lucky and sit near him!” Finn opened the door for her, and Rey looked around. The classroom was certainly made of more wealth than the schooling systems out in Jakku, that was for sure. The desks looked mostly brand new, and the whiteboards situated at the front of the room weren't stained at all from overuse.

 

Rey moved towards the teacher's desk, already finding all of the introductions a bit tedious, albeit necessary. There was a tall, redheaded man writing at the desk, and she cleared her throat before saying, “Hi, Mr. Hux? I'm the new student and was wondering where to sit.”

 

When he looked up, he caught her eyes in a calculated stare. “Miss Kenobi, I presume. You'll be sitting next to Mr. Dameron, he's off towards the right aisle.”

 

Thankful that the interaction was brief, she made her way past the rows of desks until she came up to the man Mr. Hux had gestured at. He was handsome in a boyish way, with a strong jawline and windswept brunet hair. His feet were propped up on the desk in front of him, and as he saw Rey, he grinned at her. “Hey, Finn was just telling me about you! Welcome to the wonderful land of D'Qar.”

 

For a moment, she wasn't sure if his smile and comment were genuine, but he didn't seem to be deceiving her. She'd been tricked, before, back in the system when other children would pretend to have an interest in her only to turn around and mock her cheap clothes and dirty hair. She opted for a slight smile before shifting her bookbag off of her shoulder and onto the top of the desk that was designated as hers. “I'm Rey,” she said. “Finn said your name was Poe, right?”

 

“Yeah,” he responded, moving his legs off of the seat in front of him as the final bell sounded. Finn gave her a wave and moved to his own seat, and as class began, she noticed that the two of them were seated as far apart as possible. Poe mouthed at her, “We'll talk later,” and turned to pay attention to the teacher.

 

Although she wasn't a huge fan of calculus in general, Rey thrived in mathematics and the sciences, and it wasn't long before she was sucked into Mr. Hux's lecture. Notes filled her page quickly, and she was relieved to note that the material he was covering was stuff she already knew. When the bell trilled again, she risked a glance at Poe and Finn, only to stifle a giggle at the distraught looks on both of their faces.

 

“Not strong in math?” she guessed as Finn made his way back over to them.

 

“I hate this shit,” Poe muttered. “But you've got to know a decent amount of math to become a pilot, so I'm suffering through. No idea why you're in here, though,” he quipped at Finn, tossing his mechanical pencil at the other teen.

 

Rey perked up at hearing that Poe wanted to become a pilot, but before she could ask about it, Finn said theatrically, “I've been hit! Mayday, mayday, going down!”

 

Their playfulness carried on as they left the classroom, and Rey settled back to observe the two of them bantering back and forth. Poe seemed to come to his senses first, offering a punch to Finn's shoulder, before he said, “Oi, Rey. What do you have for second period?”

 

“Uh,” she rummaged through her pockets before pulling out the sheet of paper, “Physics with Mr... Skywalker?” Her voice ended in a squeak at the familiar name. Luke hadn't told her anything about being a teacher at this school, what the _hell_?

 

“Oh man,” Finn said. “Ohhh man. She's got old Anakin, Poe, should we speak her last rites now or later?”

 

Poe chuckled, and Rey was beginning to feel like the butt of a nasty joke. “Look, I don't appreciate you making fun of me,” she stated, irritated with their continued laughter.

 

Finn turned left as they continued walking, but his laughter ceased. “No, Rey, we're not laughing at you, promise! Mr. Skywalker is just an... experience. I don't really know how to describe him.”

 

“Not only do you have to suffer the travesty that is physics, you have the oldest teacher on-campus to recite the textbook to you,” Poe interjected playfully.

 

 _Oldest?_ Luke was significantly older than her, sure, but she couldn't imagine him being that old. Maybe it was just someone with the same last name? “Does he know a Luke Skywalker?”

 

“Wait, how do you know about Luke Skywalker?” Finn asked.

 

Here was the bombshell. “Foster kid” was essentially akin to saying you had leprosy, Rey had quickly discovered. Very few people wanted to be connected to a nobody. “He's my foster dad,” she muttered, not wanting to lie to the two boys who had been nothing but nice to her all morning.

 

“Oh my god, _you're_ the girl Mr. Skywalker was talking about! You moved here from the desert, right? What was the city's name, Jaka? Pakku?”

 

“Jakku...”

 

“Yeah, that's the one!”

 

“She's the only goddamn transfer in the school and it took you that long to figure it out?” Poe looked vaguely disappointed by Finn's lack of intelligence. Rey stared at him for a moment, wondering if she had underestimated him. He knew the whole time?

 

“Alright, Miss Rey,” Poe said in a faux-serious tone. He stopped in front of her, arms clamped down on her shoulders as their eyes locked. “This is an ancient secret of Force Academy, do you understand? Ancient secret. You have to keep it under wraps. We've learned, through possibly nefarious means, that this school is a veritable breeding ground of Skywalkers. Finn and I call it... Skywalker Ranch.”

 

“Stay away from Ben Solo, too,” Finn added in what Rey was sure he thought was a spooky tone of voice, suppressing a shiver. “Dude is downright terrifying. I'm fairly sure he bathes in the blood of infants that he sacrifices to _Darth Vader.”_

 

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

 


	2. Cute Without The E

As it turned out, Poe's warning about Mr. Skywalker ( _Senior?_ she pondered) was completely, entirely, one-hundred-percent accurate. The older man had some sort of burn covering his face, but seeing as none of the other students made a big deal about it, Rey assumed it was some kind off-limits topic. She'd seen worse injuries out on the streets, anyway, limbs gangrenous with infection and frostbite on toes deep enough to warrant amputation. _Anyway,_ she thought smugly, _at least I have an inside source I can ask about._

 

She realized that neither of the boys had really informed her of Luke's connection to the man presenting the dull lecture, but she assumed he was probably his father. Luke had considered purchasing a cell phone for her, once she proved she wasn't going to do anything idiotic like run away or something, and she wished she had one already if only to chew him out for the lack of information he'd sent her before pushing her into the lion's den.

 

An entire school full of Skywalker relatives? The notion seemed ridiculous, but Poe had listed off a veritable _novel_ of proof: Mr. Skywalker, Principal Organa (who _totally_ fucking knew exactly who she was, dear god), _the_ Han Solo (who was _married_ to the principal!?), and she was sure there were more. Finn had also helpfully mentioned that her own foster father was apparently a frequent lecturer at the school, and Rey was totally going to murder him for this shit.

 

Class was almost up before Rey snapped out of her musings and borderline- _too_ -realistic fantasies of murdering Luke Skywalker. She remembered Finn grabbing her arm just before he and Poe had walked off to their own class as he murmured to her, “Seriously, Rey. Avoid Ben Solo. You don't want to get mixed up in his shit.” There was no hint of the lighthearted, playful tone that had permeated his voice before, and she frowned when she thought of it.

 

Up front, Mr. Skywalker had mentioned something about calling on students for the last few answers of the previous night's homework, and Rey noticed all of the other teens in the room straightening up in their seats. Apparently, this was a big deal or something, and she hoped he had the foresight not to call on her, as she had obviously not done the work.

 

Judging from the lecture, though, the initial section was on the first law of thermodynamics, and Rey felt confident in her abilities. The first student called on seemed to already be lagging behind, and Mr. Skywalker looked vaguely disapproving at her incorrect answer to the homework problem. The next few students had the right answers, and Rey began to tune them out until the teacher called on one last student.

 

It was the complete shift in tone that really brought Rey's attention back to the present. She'd heard Luke speak this way, once or twice, to someone over the phone, but she never knew who it was. Mr. Skywalker's voice suddenly sounded alert and almost... affectionate as he called out, “Kylo, please provide the answers to problem 4.”

 

Rey hadn't really been paying attention to the few students behind her, and when a deep voice began to explain the differences between open and closed systems, she almost didn't want to look back and see what the speaker looked like. It was embarrassing beyond belief to recognize that the voice was _hot,_ and rattling off knowledge about physics was actually _turning her on._ Being an engineering nerd was absolutely horrifying, she realized in the middle of the classroom, and her only saving grace was that she was a girl and arousal was fairly easy to hide.

 

Still, she could feel her face heating up, and she took a few deep breaths while the mysterious voice continued to confidently state his answer. When he quieted down, Rey was sure she could see approval lifting Mr. Skywalker's face pleasantly, and curiosity got the best of her as she subtly shifted to see just _who_ the teacher's pet was.

 

He was swathed entirely in black, from the dark jet of his hair to the ebony fingernails tapping a staccato rhythm on the wood of his desk. The only color that wasn't black on his figure was a partially-obscured band logo printed on the front of his well-worn hoodie. It looked entirely unfamiliar to Rey, as she knew almost nothing about music, but she was willing to bet it was something that sounded very intense. His hair was radically curled, and covered one eye completely, while his head tilted downwards and his kohl-rimmed eyes focused on the foot propped up on his desk. With one hand, she watched him reach into a black messenger bag and withdraw a red sharpie. A few moments passed before he re-capped it, seemingly pleased with whatever doodle he had scribbled onto his own shoe.

 

Fearing that he would notice her observations, Rey slowly turned back toward the front of the classroom. He had to be Ben Solo, there was no-one else in this class that could possibly terrify Finn, but he didn't seem _too_ harmful. Maybe a little depressed, but certainly not dangerous. And why had Mr. Skywalker referred to him as _Kylo_?

 

When the class let out, she contemplated introducing herself. If he really was the son of Principal Organa and Han Solo (honestly, she couldn't even think of his name without getting a giddy feeling in her stomach), then chances were they'd be seeing more of each other in the near future. But, in the midst of her musings, she didn't notice as he quietly slipped out of the class the moment the bell announced its ending time period.

 

Her next class was gym, which was fairly easy to locate even without Poe and Finn, and while Rey had no personal qualms about her level of fitness, she had forgotten that public gym rooms were quite common. Luke had, at least, informed her that she could bring her own clothes until she was issued a school gym uniform, but undressing and redressing in front of dozens of girls seemed like a daunting task.

 

Quickly and quietly, Rey changed out of her comfortable jeans and sweater and into shorts and a baggy shirt. Nobody seemed to notice her, which she was thankful for, and she wondered if another social convention she had missed out on involved the respectful aversion of gazes in public changing spaces.

 

Rey reflected on how her first three periods didn't seem bad at all as her feet pounded a steady rhythm around the rubberized track surrounding the football field – apparently, today was a track day in class – and the thought made her grimace involuntarily. Having a good morning schedule meant that she'd inevitably have humanities classes post-lunch, and she absolutely despised frou-frou things like studying poetry and examining the history of old guys.

 

At least fifth period seemed to be a free study hall, and Poe had pointed at her schedule with an assuring, “We've got that too! No worries, we usually just do homework so that we can avoid it after school.”

 

Lunch inched by due to the fact that Rey couldn't manage to find Poe or Finn for the entire duration of it. She wasn't sure exactly why she was latching onto them so quickly, as just this morning she had envisioned a solitary lunch period, but the introduction to the rambunctious teens made her eager for more interactions with them. She'd have to coordinate better, maybe statusing with them during fifth period to figure out where they ate their food. The bell rang and Rey hadn't yet eaten anything, but she ignored the growling of her stomach. She had meant to buy lunch today, but seemed to have forgotten. Ah, well, she had a granola bar in her pack that she'd sneak during her next class.

 

Fourth period was English, and it was in the same building as her Pre-Calc class, so Rey unwillingly walked in the appropriate direction. Hopefully the class was an easy one, but she had a sinking feeling it wouldn't be, especially not in a wealthy private school.

 

As one of the first people to get up immediately after the lunch bell, Rey was fairly early to arrive at the classroom. Inside, she could hear what sounded like a heated argument, and she paused before opening the door. Survival instincts had gotten her this far in life, and she was glad that she hadn't gone inside, because a few moments later there was a loud yell and the crashing of something heavy. A bit nervous someone might have gotten hurt, she moved to open the door, but it was thrown open just as she went for the handle.

 

The teen from before, Ben Solo, stormed out, cursing vehemently. He didn't even bother to make eye contact with her as he left, but she noticed his hands were clenched so tightly his skin was white. Peeking inside, she saw an older teacher moving around, picking up the few desks that had been toppled over.

 

“Uh, hi,” she started, unsure as to what to do in such a situation. Didn't violent students need to get reported to somebody, or something?

 

The teacher looked up at her, and Rey felt a prickle of unease. It looked a bit like he was doing more than just greeting a student: the look in his eyes was intense, carefully calculated. She was about to say hello again, before he stood up straight, dusting off his hands, and holding one out. “Sorry about that,” he said. “I'm Dr. Snoke, and you must be the new student.”

  
  
“Are you alright?” she asked as she took the proffered hand, not really wanting to come off as caring but feeling as though it was insensitive not to inquire after hearing a potentially dangerous outburst.

 

The teacher smirked. “Ah, I'm quite fine. Mr. Solo and I merely had a... disagreement.”

 

“Okay,” Rey responded slowly. She considered leaving the class until other students began to make their way inside, but that seemed far too blatantly rude. “Where should I sit?”

 

Dr. Snoke gestured to a seat near the back, and she obediently sat down. It wasn't long until the steady flood of students filtered into the classroom, and Rey felt much more comfortable when she wasn't alone with the eerie-feeling man.

 

The class had already begun reading a novel, and seemed to be about a third of the way through it. Rey tried to pay attention, truly, but the topics of discussion held no interest whatsoever. She made a note of the title of the book, reminding herself to look it up on the Internet once she got home so that she could at least be prepared if there was a quiz. She found her thoughts drifting towards Ben, and what the teacher could have possibly said to cause a violent reaction.

 

Maybe that was why Finn had said to be wary of him? If he was mentally unstable, and prone to fits of violence, should he really be in public, though? Or perhaps a person – or people – were provoking him into such a dark reputation?

 

Rey didn't feel comfortable taking Finn's words at face value. She'd been in Ben's situation before – rumors spread quickly, and all it took was a single vendor being told that the beggar he gave scraps to nightly was a disease-ridden rat, and best avoided. She thought it would be fair to at least give him a chance.

 

Resolve hardened, Rey made her way towards what she thought was Building 5 after English. It shouldn't have been hard to find, but she ended up wandering around, and a thrill of panic shot through her spine as she realized the bell currently ringing was the one signaling the beginning of class.

 

A tall blonde girl was shooting down the hallway, and Rey called out, “Wait, please! Can you help me find a class?”

 

The girl looked unhappy about assisting her and delaying her own late arrival, but pointed out the correct building to the new student before taking off again towards her own class. Finally arriving at the right room, Rey walked in, and she felt all eyes on her as she stepped into the classroom late. Her eyes immediately honed in on Finn and Poe, who were using their arms to make ridiculous waving motions as if she couldn't possibly see them otherwise.

 

She apologized to the teacher, a diminutive lady who refused to allow her to call her anything but Maz, who seemed not to mind. Rey made her way towards the boys, carefully noting the back corner of the room, which was filled by the shroud of black-garbed teenage angst.

 

Finn followed her gaze, and he yanked her down into her seat. “Damn, Rey, do you even listen? _Ignore him._ It's not worth the effort. He's not worth the effort!”

 

“Why are you so terrified of him?” The words bubbled out of her throat. She'd been thinking about it all day – the teenager had to have some kind of valid reason for the scared, evasive behavior.

 

Poe rolled his eyes as Finn shook his head violently and refused to say another word. “First of all, dumbass, you're not being very quiet, and second of all, he never actually _did_ anything to you.”

 

Consciously lowering her voice, Rey asked, “What did he do, then?”

 

The brunet looked around for a moment before leaning toward her. “It wasn't even on purpose, okay? About a year ago, Mr. Hux and Ben got into it. This nasty yelling fit after school during office hours, and I was in there trying to catch up on some concepts that I couldn't quite understand. It got a little physical – ” and here Rey frowned as Poe continued “ – and pretty boy started knocking all the shit off his desk. He launched this big paperweight of like, a planet, or something, right at me. Hit me smack dab in the middle of my goddamn head.”

  
“He got suspended for a week and Poe was put in the hospital for it with a concussion,” Finn muttered. “He's this... volatile mess, and because he's fucking related to everyone in the school, they'll never do something like expel him.”

 

Rey's eyes widened as she thought about the potential consequences. “You were okay, right? I mean, obviously you're alright, you're here right now, but there was no lasting damage or anything, right?”

 

Poe flushed a bit at her attention, but he shook his head. “I got really rattled when I thought it would affect my ability to get my pilot license – you have to be in top shape for those, and I worried about permanent damage. I'm fine, though, nothing lasting.”

 

As he shrugged it off, it reminded Rey of what she wanted to talk to him about. She filed away the story about Ben: it would be one of the many topics she had with her lovely foster parent later. “Hey, that reminds me! Do you want to fly planes, or jets, or what? I'm studying to be an engineer, I want to work at NASA.”

 

Finn tried to keep up with the conversation, but as soon as Poe and Rey began talking about their career goals, he couldn't help but zone out. Damn lucky teens and their knowing-what-they-wanted-to-do-with-their-lives...

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
